Thomas (boggyb) wrote,

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boggyb's highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2016 Final!

This year appears to be WTF Eurovision. As in, WTF is that dress, WTF is that hair, WTF argh my eyes, WTF how is that even possible, WTF will the new voting system result in, WTF are the judges on (really, UK judges, you voted like that)? So here's my highly inaccurate WTF does boggyb think of it all guide...

  1. Belgium: meh
  2. Czech Republic: I'm not sure why, but I really like this one. It all fits - the lyrics, the images, the theme. This is quite possibly my favourite of the evening.
  3. Netherlands: meh
  4. Azerbaijan: meh
  5. Hungary: So their trick is a mad monk with a giant drum.
  6. Italy: Pretty, though I had no idea what was going on - there's no English subtitles of the lyrics this year.
  7. Israel WTF is that hair?
  8. Bulgaria: And this song's trick is light-up jewellery/clothing that only turns on near the end as just static white. Meh.
  9. Sweden: meh
  10. Germany: Alice (of Alice in Wonderland) is in some sort of gothic wood? I have no idea what's going on.
  11. France: Nice use of the video floor/wall. There's quite a few this year that are actually using this as part of the performance with more than a simple backdrop.
  12. Poland: meh
  13. Australia: This one started slowly, but grew on me - it's another of my favourites this evening. There's also a video overlay at one point but unlike in Italy where it was some random scribbles, here it's actually linked into the choreography and the singer interacts with it.
  14. Cyprus: Well it's presented as being some gritty metal song... and actually sounds like a tame bit of rock (Nickelback is more aggressive). I think they were trying for Lordi's success.
  15. Serbia: Some sort of goth theme?
  16. Lithuania: Another good use of the video floor/wall and overall I like it.
  17. Croatia: So the latest WTF dress is a plastic sheet?
  18. Russia: Oh, that's pretty neat. Heh, it's almost like a game of Rhythm Thief. Wait -- WTF HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? It's unfortunately let down by the truck driver's gear change at the end - the last part feels like they ran out of ideas and tried to fill the time with a more traditional Eurovision entry - but aside from that, it's very well done.
  19. Spain: meh
  20. Latvia: Yet another good video.
  21. Ukraine: Possibly the best use of the video wall/floor today. The singer is also putting an amazing amount of emotion into it.
  22. Malta: meh
  23. Georgia: ARGH MY EYES.
  24. Austria: Very pretty. I think it'll be overshadowed by the other entries
  25. United Kingdom: Actually a pretty decent entry.
  26. Armenia: meh

To sum up: Czech Republic and Australia are my favourites, Russia's entry DEFIES THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, and Georgia will MELT YOUR EYES with retina-destroying strobe lighting and eighties video effects. But wait, there's more!

First interval act: meh

Second interval act: AWESOME. What they've done is to create a song with every single musical trope from TV Trope's Eurovision page combined with every single winning act - and not only dare to perform the result, but actually make it work.

Third interval act (just after lines close - and no, this is not Heroes): The song is alright - nothing special - but the staging is impressive. They're performing motion capture of the dancers (that's what the little white dots on their suits are for) in real time and feeding it into the video floor.

...And now we've run out of songs and are into the voting. Which is weird this year - no, I don't mean the new system (which supposedly makes it more suspenseful, and definitely makes it go faster) but where the points are going. The top scores are all over the place! Interestingly when it got to the popular vote the public has a completely different opinion to that of the juries... and the voting itself went right down to the wire with the winner unknown until the very end (the combined popular vote ended out handing increasingly crazily high scores, so what looked like on unassailable lead suddenly became very uncertain).

Tags: eurovision, music, tv

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